When one asks what you’re thankful for during this Thanksgiving season, it is very common to blurt out the obvious: family, friends, good health, etc. So, I took it upon myself to think about the everyday things that I use, I rely on, I count on to make me the woman, mother, and otherwise goddess that I am. Here is my first annual “Of course I’m thankful for my friends and family, but I couldn’t live my life without my___________” list:

Sunless tanner: Oh, my bronze friend- thank you for making my ass look less flabby and for disguising my cellulite. Thank you for faking that I have toned abs and golden gams!

 Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy Push-up Bra: Thank you for helping me to pretend that I have the perfectly perky and forward pointing boobs that I had before I had kids. Thank you for coming with 1/2″ thick pads for me to place my doughy breasts on to make it look like either I’m 23 and a DD, or that I’ve spent $6,000 on a new set.

Kegels: Thank you, Dr. Sara, my OB/Gyn for both pregnancies, for instilling in me the importance of doing kegels. Thank you to myself for doing them, and for allowing me to sneeze and laugh without peeing on myself. Thank you God for designing women’s bodies so that you can do Kegels without anyone knowing- I think it’s always an adventure to see how many I can do, say, in line at the grocery store, or at a stoplight. Someday, I intend to learn how to do them without holding my breath, so that I can be doing them while talking to someone- could be you!

Wine: Thank you for giving me solstice at the end of a crazy day with my kids. Thank you for being so soothing, calming, nurturing. Thank you for having lots of fans, so that I’m always busy at work! Thank you for making me laugh, and for allowing me to think that I really do sound like Robert Plant when I sing Led Zeppelin when I’m drunk at karaoke.

Adhesive Breast Petals: Thank you for allowing me to go braless in revealing dresses that are made for 20-something girls who’s nipples still point forward. Thank you for masking unsightly “headlights”, and letting me go one more year wearing skimpy shit that a woman my age probably shouldn’t be wearing in the first place.

Jeans with lycra: Thank you for being so stretchy, and for allowing me to pretend that I still wear a size 4. Thank you for being made with a button with a metal rivet, so that I can keep pretending I’m a size that I’m actually two sizes larger than, and use a rubberband around the rivet and through the buttonhole to give me an extra inch around the middle. Thank you zipper for putting up with my constant pulling up with a set of pliars.

My Hairstylist: Thank you for letting me fake being blonde for so many years. Thank you for cutting my hair so that it looks thicker than it is, and coloring it so that it looks “natural”.

Candles: Thank you for making my house smell so good, and making it look so festive and elegant. Thank you also for your “airbrushing” properties- everyone looks hotter, younger, thinner in candlelight (and after a couple of glasses of wine)!

Spanx: Thank you for sculpting my thighs and ass and making it look like I just spent two hours at the gym. Thank you for having cut-off legs so that I can wear you under a short dress, and no one knows I’m wearing sausage casing that keeps all my lumps and bumps smooth under a slutty little black dress. I’ll thank you more next year if you come out with a version that allows me to breathe while wearing, or even better, come out with a crotchless version (it’s like a wrestling match with myself trying to get the damn things off and on in a bathroom stall…again thankful to Kegels)!

God: For allowing me to be a mom/woman/warrior who’s boobs may sag a little and butt may jiggle a little, but for giving me a body that can give birth to a human being and still be able to sneeze without peeing down my legs. And thank God for creating other women who come up with brilliant inventions like Spanx, or nipple covers. And mostly, thank God for the gift of laughter and humor!

Have a most fabulous Thanksgiving!

Dear Papa,

I thought that you were invincible. The man who told me stories of being a Veteran in the war. The man who was a racing hero, and showed me countless pictures of you holding trophies that were bigger than me, standing in front of amazing racecars. The man who could fix anything with a pocketknife, or a kiss- whether it was my scraped knee from riding my bike, or a broken dolly- you could fix it. The man who spent hours with my little hand in his, walking me through each of his impressive machines in his garage, and explaining to me what each one did, and showing me how to make sparks on the grinder, or how to shape a peice of metal on the lathe.

Papa, you are more of a Grandfather than any little girl could ever imagine or dream of.  So many of my fond childhood memories include you, and I was so blessed to have been your little pal when I was a little girl. I loved watching you work on the cars, or going to the auto parts store with you. I loved sitting under the car with you on the Creeper, and me sitting by you, handing you tools. You would tell me what each one did, and years before I ever even drove a car, would show me where the oil goes, how the engine works, or how to change a tire.  I loved the smell of the orange cleaner you’d use to scrub your hands, or the way your hardworking hands had all different “boo boos” all over them from working on the engines- I was fascinated by all of them! But also loved watching the same hands do tender tasks like fix my dolls, or peeling an orange with me when I was supposed to be going to sleep, or “fixing” my ice cream cones, so that they didn’t drip.

It has been such an amazing blessing for me to watch you with my children. One of my favorite pictures of you, is one where you’re holding my Son for the first time, and you’re this strong man, wearing your red racing hat, and in your arms, you’re holding this tiny little baby, and you’re smiling the most beaming smile. I truly cherish that picture! I love watching my kids laugh with you, or Clayton walk around wearing your glasses, or you helping Avery fix her toysl, or listening to you telling them a story, as they sit on your lap, and watch your face with curiosity and amazement, just like I did.

I know that this past month has been incredibly hard on you. I can’t imagine the strength, the hope and the perseverance that it must take to wake up every morning, and keep going despite the challenges and obstacles that have been put upon you. Today, you are having surgery, and I have every confidence that you will do great, and probably even suprise the doctors with how well you do! It will take some fighting and battling to get back to where you need to be, but I know that you can do it. I know that visions of the little ones laughing and dancing while they do performances with your cane as the microphone, or thoughts of the little guy riding all around on his bike wearing your glasses, or sitting with your granddaughter listening to Patsy Cline or Grandpa Jones and talking about “back then”, or spending time with your daughters and laughing and talking about family memories and traditions, these are all very real reasons to get better.

Yes, I am a grown woman now, and a wife and a mother, but I am still the same little girl that admires you. That cherishes your stories, loves seeing you laugh so hard that you have to take off your glasses and wipe your eyes, and treasures the moments that my kids are cuddling next to you, listening to your stories. There are so many more memories to make, Papa. I know that you can do this, because you are  a hero to me, and a man with immeasurable strength. You have so much love around you, from your daughters, your siblings, to your grandchildren, and your great-grandchildren. There are more stories to be told, more dolls and toys to fix, more performances in little princess shoes on a tile floor to watch, more hugs to share, and more laughter to be had. I look forward to many more cherished memories with you.

With so much love, from a Granddaughter that is so blessed to have you as her Papa,

Kristin Noel

It has been so long since I’ve had a chance to write! I’ll tell you- I’ve missed it tremendously! But here’s the deal: when you’re a busy Mom, everything that you juggle and balance on a regular basis, is like juggling glass balls- as long as you can keep everything balanced and centered- you can keep them all going. But, what happens when one crashes to the floor and shatters? It’s going to affect your concentration, your balance and your ability to keep all of the other glass balls from breaking. My shattered glass ball as of late, is my Grandfather. He is very close to me and my children, and he has been very ill, and in and out of the hospital for nearly three weeks.

It’s been a real struggle for me to write because of my lack of time, mostly. From balancing my family and my full-time job, every minute in between has been spent helping my Grandpa, or supporting other family members, since this is a really tough time on all of us. I’ve also struggled, because I love to make people laugh, I like to be funny! But, this is a website devoted to real women and real mothers, and let’s face it- real life just ain’t funny all the time!

So, bear with me, dear Mamas! Hopefully through my experience, you can learn a few tips on how to juggle the glass balls, even when it seems impossible. I have learned a few tricks to coping with daily life, while facing a family crisis that I’d like to share with you:

1. Reign in your resources: I’m very blessed to have a wide network of friends and family members. One very loving girlfriend is a healthcare social worker, and has offered me advice about home-nursing, and different programs for elderly patients. Another has offered to pick my daughter up from school, so that I can stay longer at the hospital. Yesterday a family member talked with me for a long time about how she dealt with this when it was her own father, and gave me a better perspectiveon what was happening. Appreciate your friends being there for you, and allow them to offer their help or comforting advice. Don’t try to do it all- one person just can’t.
2. Be thankful: When faced with crisis, it is so easy to go into pity party mode, or even worse, anger mode. The best medicine to combat this unhealthy behavior is to literally stop it in it’s track, and turn the negative thought into a thought of thankfulness. While it’s common for me to think, “I’m not ready to lose my Grandpa yet! I’m so pissed that he is in so much pain- why is this happening to our family?” I force myself to stop, and redirect. “I’m thankful to have a Grandpa I’m so close to. I’m thankful for the closeness of our family. I’m thankful for a husband that helps me through all of the ups and downs in life.” It calms me, it relaxes me, and I can instantly feel the tightness, and heart-pounding anxiety leave my body.
3. Exercise: It seems almost ridiculous to try to fit in time to exercise while facing a crisis. But, believe me- if you can even fit in 10 minutes to stretch, breathe deeply, and feel your body move and relax, it makes a huge difference in your ability to cope with stress and anxiety. Some days it’s a 20-minute pilates DVD, and other days it’s just parking a little farther in the hospital parking lot, and walking the long way around to get my heart going, and the good endorphins going through my body. Yesterday, I just closed my eyes, plugged my ears with my MP3 player, and punched the air for 10 minutes, getting out all of the frustration and anxiety that I’d been harboring- I swear, it was more calming to me than any Xanax or other chemical that I’ve tried to dull my nerves!
4. Find time for fun: Even if it’s just an hour, or a whole afternoon, force yourself to find time for fun. If all you are doing is immersing yourself in the midst of the crisis, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And some tunnels, we just have no control over, and it seems like an eternity before you can see the light. So, in order to help you keep perspective, keep positive, and keep strong, find time for fun. Go out to dinner, laugh, dance, sing, read a funny story, ask a friend to tell you a funny and/or dirty joke- anything to take you out of crisis mode at least for a little while. Then when you come back to the problem, you have a renewed energy and ability to make good decisions.

I’ll be in touch as often as I can- thank you for the amazing gift of friendship, of laughter, and for letting me share!