Unless you are a perfect Suzy-Homemaker kind of mom, with the little chin-length bob with wash and go cut, oven mitten encased over her right hand at all times, wearing the maccaroni and glitter necklace your kid made you last year for Mother’s Day, with a label-maker permanently tucked into your front left apron pocket, you probably have a difficult time staying organized, since becoming a mother.

Personally, I was never the most organized woman in the world to begin with, but once I had my kids, it’s as though my miniscule ability to be organized went right out with the placenta- which, by the way I did not plant, nor did I ever consider planting, cooking,  freezing, or doing any of the other unmentionalble things with my placenta(s), as did some of the mothers in my moms club. Back to organization…simply stated- I have none.

Yesterday, I inherited a beautiful desk from my Aunt, which was so phenomenal, considering the desk that we had, started off as an L–shaped desk, black, very elegant and official looking- four years ago! That was when we had a three-bedroom house, with one infant, and were as bright-eyed and doll-faced as every other newlywed with a new baby, that live in ignorant bliss of the impending craziness of toddlerhood, and especially two children in toddlerhood! When my elaborate “office” turned into my son’s room, the beautiful Pottery-barn- wanna-be-knock-off of a desk had to be brought down into the kitchen. In order to make the desk fit into it’s new nook, my fabulous Tim Taylor Toolman husband “trimmed” off the sides for me (with a saw, mind you), which decoratively displayed the cheap, ugly particle board beneath the lustrous black vineer. Lest to say, I was thrilled to get rid of my ugly- step-sister reminder of the house with an office we can’t afford, and to inherit a beautiful new desk, where I can write like the elegant, professional, prestigious writer/waitress/mother/bellydancer/karaoke queen that I am!

Now that I have a nice desk, especially one without particle board scraping my arms on both sides, I can be organized, efficient, and have everything at my fingertips. Pens and pencils will be held in their cute little Nicole Miller designed, brown leather cube-like pen holder, paper will go on the top shelf in the darling brown leather, with white topstitch paper holder. My writing files will fit neatly and alphabetically in the brown leather file holder, with matching brown floral file folders, and my bills and mail will be neatly arranged in my little compartmentalized matching brown leather mail sorter. All organized….

Here’s what will really happen: my kids will get into the pen holder, break all of the lead out of the pencils, find the one red Sharpie, which my son will use to “paint” his nails red like mommy’s, my daughter will use another pen to draw half of her name on the front of the cute little cube container, (whenever she tags stuff, she only writes half of her name, probably to conceal her identity so that I think some other crazy kid with the same first two letters in her name is going around tagging stuff in the house while I’m trying to go to the bathroom). Then, they will both attack the paper tray, empty it of all of the printer paper, then use the rest of the pens from the pen-holder to color the white topstictching all different colors, as well as an appearance of the half-name tagging from my daughter. The sorter with all of my organized files will be used to color and draw all over, and the bill/mail sorter will sit perfectly empty and barren on my desk, because let’s face it- I’m never, ever going to sit and open all of my mail and set it in a sorter, chronologically displaying to myself what bills are do and when.