Today is my beloved Grandma Pat’s birthday. She is my guardian angel, and so cherished by myself and all of our family. She passed away on April 27, 2004, eight weeks after I had my first baby. My loss at such a fragile time was devastating to me, but it also encouraged me to start writing again. To celebrate my Grandma’s life, today, I had my Grandfather and my Mom over, and we sat on the backyard swing, and laughed and played with my kids, just as Grandma would do, if she were here- though I know she is here in spirit, and certainly in our hearts and thoughts.

Me and my baby Brother, sitting on Grandma's lap, listening to her songs and her stories.

The day that I learned that she was rushed into I.C.U., and was likely on borrowed time, I bundled up my new baby, got to the hospital, spent long hours talking to my Grandma, singing to her, and even snuck her Great-Granddaughter in to be held in her arms one last time. Next to giving birth, that was the most difficult, most taxing day of my life- and my heart had never been heavier. I came home that night and sobbed deep, heaving soul-scouring sobs into the loving arms of my husband. When he and my baby were finally asleep, at nearly 4:00 in the morning, I wrote this to my Grandma:

April 20, 2004             4:12 A.M.

My Dearest Grandma Pat,

My loving guiding light, my beacon when my soul was so lost. My confidante, my dear friend, my listening ear, and cuddling arms. My heart aches for another sunny, fragrant, rose-garden afternoon, sitting next to you on your swing. My soul yearns to have more long talks with you, sharing secrets, dreams, stories and fears.

Hours spent on your lap, in your arms, being loved, being taught, learing the cherishable gift of unconditional love. My precious daughter is cuddled, loved, sung to more than any other baby could be, because I was by you, and those moments are likd drops of gold from Heaven. As I sing to her and look into her deep blue eyes, I reflect on all of the moments that I sat comforted in your arms, smelling your perfume, feeling the soft satin of your robe.

Your strength in both mind and body amaze me. All that you have overcome, never wanting to be a burden, your will and desire to persevere, the miracles that were performed in your life. Your undying devotion to your loved ones, your family, to God, and your friends. Your unconditional love and forgiveness- an enormous lesson in my life. Always teaching me to love fully without abandon, and always to forgive.

I love you so dearly for showing me how precious life is, and how mere moments can offer a lifetime of treasure ; Small troves to open, to remember, and to cherish. Remembering your laughter, learning from your words, and always feeling your love.

Your Loving Granddaughter,

Kristin Noel

Papa misses you Grandma, but we try to keep him smiling!

Today, there are still tears, but there are so many smiles at all of the wonderful, cherished memories that I have of my Grandma Pat. Today, I celebrate her life, and give thanks for the blessings of tradition, memories, and most of all, her love and guidance.

My Grandma, holding my daughter, who is named after her, Easter 2004