So, we’ve all seen the commercial with the girl sitting on the edge of the bathtub, delicately “smoothing away” her unwanted hair- no mess, no fuss, no water needed- and her unwanted hair just magically erases with a light buffing of this little miracle mitt…let me be the first to warn you- it doesn’t quite work that way!

One small disclaimer, I did not try the actual “Smooth Away” product. What I tried was Smooth Silky Leg, a knockoff of Smooth Away that I bought from a vendor at the county fair. Why the lack of punctuation for “legs” on the box wasn’t a dead giveaway that I probably shouldn’t trust the quality of the product inside, is a whole ‘nother story! In my post titled “Fair Market Value?” a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned having a couple of beers, then walking through the commercial building, and I warned my dear readers not imbibe, and then walk through a building where hundreds of people are trying to sell you stuff that seems really miraculous! Here’s the backstory:

After drinking two $12 beers (no that is not a typo- you read correctly, $12, each, PER beer) at the fair, we decided to take a stroll the commercial building. The one where every infomercial you have ever seen is represented live and in person- the Shamwows, the super cool mop that picks up dog food, the magnetic bracelets that cure you from arthritis, syphillis, brain damage, or whatever the hell else might possibly ail you, the Tempurpedic beds, and of course, the knock-off Smooth Away.

I walk up to the booth, where this drop-dead gorgeous gal is demonstrating on another woman’s arm, how to use the product. The customer who’s arm is being “smoothed” is in awe of how incredibly easy and painless this process is, and exclaims,”I love it! No water, no shaving cream- that’s amazing! I’ll buy two- one for me, one for my sister!” And with that, she plunks down 40 bucks into the demonstrator’s hot little hand, and walks away gleefully. The beautiful demonstrator, who was all of 23, maybe 25 tops, then gracefully moved onto the next curious customer, “would you like to try it?” she asks in a very seductive manner,  ”Sure!” the lady in front of me quips, “it doesn’t hurt?” she asks, a tad concerned, “Oh, no- it’s like filing your nails, but nicer, because as it removes the hair, it gently exfoliates at the same time. ” “How nice…like a facial for your legs!” the customer beams, and juts out her arm for the demonstrator to “smooth”. In a couple swirls one way, then a couple the other way, a one-inch by one-inch section of the customer’s arm is perfectly smooth. “That is so soft!” The customer exclaims as she rubs her fingertip over the quarter-sized patch of freshly de-fuzzed and “exfoliated” skin. “I’ll get five of those! One for me, the rest for my bridesmaids!” Then plucks out her credit card, and hands it to the gal, and charges $100 worth of “Smooth Silky Leg”, as the demonstrator is pleased as punch that she’s just sold nearly $200 worth of sandpaper and plastic, basically large nail files, to unsuspecting customers.

Then tipsy ol’ me comes along, skeptical. “So, how does it work?” I ask, as the doe-eyed demonstrator begins to lift up the side of her own skirt, just enough to show the unblemished, cellulite-free side of her 23-year-old, perfectly smooth thigh, “Just like this, gently swirl the pad one way, then change directions, and that’s it. That’s all I do!” At this point, she’s definitely grabbed the Husband’s attention, along with 30 other guys who are now tugging their wives toward the “Smooth Silky Leg” booth. The Husband asks her, “Does it work on men too?” “Well, not on facial hair, or coarse hair, but” she coos, as she gently touches his chest with her finger tip, “anywhere else, it works like a charm” she hisses in a throaty tone, and adds a little wink for good measure. She can sense that I’m still skeptical, so she adds, “Just think of all of the shoes you can buy with the money you’ll save on razor blades and shaving cream.” She had me at “shoes”!  I handed over my $20 bill, grabbed my bag, thanked the gal, and walked away with visions of silky, fuzz-free legs and bikini areas dancing in my head- no more bumps, redness, money wasted on blades and cream….hairless perfection!

Tune in for the actual review of Smooth Silky Leg…