Every married woman, with children, without children, with grown children, with grandchildren, needs to own a copy of this book! It should actually be handed to you as required reading when you go to get your marriage license, then you can get married after the preacher signs off that you’ve read it! Even though, “I’d Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper”, by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile is mostly geared toward “marriage after the baby carriage”, I found so much insightful information for any married couple- kids or no kids!

As in most of Nobile and Ashworth’s books, every couple of pages are dotted with hysterical “Dirty Little Secrets” from husbands and wives all over the country. Some of my favorites are: “The more acts of kindness you give me around this house that benefit me- the more likely that I will be in the mood. The more you do- the more we’ll screw.” Also, “His qualities are hiding behind the qualities I wish he had.”

Reading about how a LOT of women feel in their marriage, made me really discouraged at first. I am still amazed by the amount of women that would be perfectly happy living in a sexless marriage, even a woman in the book said, “If I could pay for someone to have sex with him, I would.” And it was also eye-opening to read about so many men feeling so misunderstood and like they don’t even exist, especially with a new baby in the house. One husband says, “The order of priority is: kids, house her, dog, and I’m somewhere pulling up the rear. It’s not a fun place to be now. I used to be first.”

Authors, Amy Ashworth and Trisha Nobile

Ashworth and Nobile go on to advise couples to reinvent date night. To try to get back some of the romance that you had when you first got married. The Husband and I try to have at least two date nights a month. With both of our crazy schedules, and then juggling two kids, it’s not always easy, but it’s NECESSARY- someday our kids will be grown, I don’t want to look at some old dude and wonder how we lost touch with eachother, and can we start from scratch- no! A relationship, especially after having children needs to be nurtured and tended to on a regular basis.

The Husband and I on a date night!

One chapter that I found particularly interesting was Chapter 2, which talks about reality versus expectations. So many people (I have done this myself) have grandiose ideas of what marriage should be like- clouded even further by the huge wedding industry that portrays a happy marriage only being attainable if you have this perfect fairytale $75,000 wedding, when in reality- the wedding is just a day, a marriage is supposed to be forever. Sometimes the expectations are ones that we as wives and mothers put upon ourselves, and sometimes they are expectations that we think our husband’s are expecting of us. I started my marriage as a young, stay-at-home mom. I was afraid to tell anyone how lonesome my days were, how much I missed talking to other adults, having a “corporate” job. I felt incredibly guilty for not having little bluebirds and stars dancing over my head as I carried through the tasks of a new stay-at-home mom with a beautiful baby. I would think to myself, “This is what I wanted, and now I have it, and it’s so damn hard, and I’m so lonesome, and I don’t even recognize myself anymore!” Unfortunately, it was nearly three years before I piped up and said something about it. When I finally got the nerve to share with the Husband how I was feeling, he said “I never expected you to have dinner made every night, and be all dressed up when I got home, with perfectly groomed and dressed little kids….I just want you to be happy.” It was then that I realized that I had put those expectations upon myself, and I was the one holding myself up to what I thought I should be like as a mother. Shortly after, I went to work two nights a week, bartending, made extra money, and met new friends, and we found a win-win solution for now. But, you have to SPEAK UP in your relationship- you are partners, not mind readers!

Which brings me to Chapter 4 titled, “Sister, He Ain’t Your Girlfriend!” A powerful chapter about more expectations. You can’t expect your husband to just GET you- you have to talk to him. Most men aren’t chatty. They won’t sit and have a glass of wine with you while you’re making dinner and ask a hundred questions about YOU. They only do that when you’re dating, and they want to get in your pants- once they do, they lose the ability to conversate all about you anymore. So- you have to just realize that men communicate differently than women. Husbands need to hear that they are appreciated too. Ashworth and Nobile suggest sending little text messages, e-mails, just little gestures to show them that they are noticed, appreciated and loved. In this chapter, there is a great section about “What He Says and What We Hear”- this was my lightbulb moment! Some of the phrases are:

He: “Do you need me to pick up milk or anything else?”

We Hear: “Is there no food in the house? Are you a totally incompetent mom?”

He says: “How was your day?”

We Hear: “Did you spend any quality time with the kids?”

SO TRUE! And to end with a few of my favorite things that many husbands said that they wished their wife knew (this part really melted my butter!):

“I wish my wife knew I understand that my worst day at work is better than her best day at home.” and “I wish my wife knew that I love her body even more now since she has given birth to our child.” All in all- any married individual, male or female can take away something from this book. It made me laugh alot, cry a little, and mostly, appreciate the fabulous husband that I have, especially when he makes me feel like such a fabulous wife, mother and woman. Never take eachother for granted, and try hard to see past the expectations into the laughter, stories and memories that the two of you shared before you were married, and remember why it is that you chose him.

Try to remember and appreciate why you chose eachother in the first place!