And still look damn good! Being a very busy mom to two toddlers, writer, bellydancer, waitress, and wife thrown in there somewhere, I am constantly on the lookout for products and tricks to help get me out of the house quickly! I have got my routine down, and I think my family has finally stopped telling me that parties and events start a half-hour earlier than they really do, to get me to be on time.

 I used to be late everywhere, especially when my brood grew from one to two, but I decided that it makes me look bad, and it is disrespectful, so I came up with some tricks that help me get out the door- here are  my secrets:

• Shower the night before: If you don’t have to jump in the shower and blowdry your hair, you’ll shave at least 30 minutes off of your morning routine. Use a rich moisturizer, I like Nivea Original Moisture Body Lotion, all over your body, so you’re still smooth and soft when you wake up!

• If you’re like me, even if you blowdry your hair the night before, you will wake up to it sticking out in several different directions. Instead of getting your whole head wet, pin up your hair in sections, just run a little bit of water on your hands, and pull your fingers through your hair, just enough to dampen it. Then blowdry in sections, and at the crown, use 2-4 big velcro rollers, they’ll add height and make it look like you spent 45 minutes blowdrying your hair!

• For your face, just simplify your usual routine. The most important cosmetics that you need for a day out with the kids, are a moisturizing lotion with SPF 15 or more, a swipe of mascara, and a quick slick of lipstick. I also curl my eyelashes to give an extra little perk to my face. This all takes 2 minutes, pat!

• For the kiddies, I lay out their clothes the night before. That way, there is no hassle about what they’re going to wear, and my 5-year-old daughter doesn’t have the ability to argue with me about it, because we went through that already the night before, and she’s already forgotten all about it!

Voila- you’re set! Out the door in 35 minutes and looking pretty sassy, Mamas!

The other night, a couple of sassy moms and I went out for dinner. I wanted to break out of my usual work ensemble of black slacks and a collared shirt, so I wore an uber trendy black puff-sleeved silk dress that was short and sleek, with a pair of stiletto heels, and the first thing both of them said was, “Wow! Look at your legs!” Then both went on to lament that they could never wear a short dress like that because they have “spider veins” or other age/pregnancy inflicted markings on their legs. I’ll let you in on a little secret, Ladies- we all do!

Unless you’re Heidi Klum, once your body has been host to a long term guest at “the Lack of Withdraw Method Motel”, it is never the same sleek, blank canvas that it once was. We all have veiney legs, saggier boobs, and poochier bellies, even years after we’ve raised our critters! But, don’t dispair, I have learned a few tricks to disguise cellulite and stretch marks and fake perfectly tanned legs:

• Secret #1: Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs- This stuff is pantyhose in a can! It covers all of my little veins, bruises, bumps- you name it! In addition, it adds a very natural golden “tan” color to your legs, but not orangey, just nice and natural! It’s also water/sweat resitant, which is a plus if you’re planning a night out dancing! I don’t recommend spraying it on other parts of your body, though.

Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs, Medium Glow – 4.4 Oz

• Secret #2: Benefit Jiffy Tan- This little gem gets rubbed on my decolletage, arms and stomach before a night out! It has tiny light-reflecting particles that give the illusion of smoother skin, as well as stay-put color that is just enough to make you look at least 5 pounds thinnner! Perfect for the flabby little chicken-tenders under my upper arms, or to give the illusion of bigger boobs by creating more contour in my cleavage! Told you I was sneaky! jiffy tan

Ladies, enjoy your tanned gams and toned limbs! Even if you have to fake it, who cares! Relish in the compliments, and pick out the shortest dress or sexiest top!

One could easily say that I have a nail-fixation: I am addicted to my hands looking pretty, nails manicured, always painting on the latest nail trends and colors. The smell of acetone and nail polish is often wafted through the door when the Husband walks in the door, which he hates (which of course compels me to do it more)!

When times are tough, and one can’t afford weekly manicures, or acrylic little pink and white gems glistening from the ends of my fingers, I am forced to take matters into my own hands- I just happen to find it relaxing, and probably do it way too often! My girlfriend is aware of my little compulsion and sent me a bottle of polish that she said suited me perfectly, and she was right! This little bottle of Essie nail polish, sinfully named “After Sex” is my newest addiction:
Essie Nail Enamel – After Sex
It is the perfect combination of pink and red, so that it doesn’t clash with either color, and is not too dark for spring time, or too bright so that I look like I’m trying to be 22 again- it’s just right!

My son even jumped on the nail addiciton bandwagon one day, and to the Husband’s dismay, and “painted” his nails with a red marker to be like Mommy! I posted his picture on Facebook, and all of the Husbands’ co-workers and friends saw, and thought it was hilarious, as did I!