My kids love aquariums, the ocean, anything and everything to do with whales, dolphins, fish, etc.  So, one lazy morning, I rented “Free Willy” for the three of us to watch. I have never seen “Free Willy”- even though it came out when I was a kid. I bawled my eyes out- and I don’t usually cry in movies! So, since my kids were in love with “Willy”, I thought we should all go to Marine World one Sunday. I know, I know, it’s quite an oxymoron to watch a movie about a whale in captivity, ripped away from his family and friends, and then forced to live in a cement fishtank and do tricks for humans, and then take my kids to Marine World. But, what am I supposed to do- take my kids on a $5,000 Alaskan cruise so that they can maybe get a glimpse of a  Sperm Whale (love whoever thought of that name- cracks me up everytime I say it!) outside of captivity? I digress.

So, here we are at the beginning of the day, taking the picture facing the sun, so both kids are squinting, and I am forcing my eyelids open, so that I look younger and doe-eyed, because that’s our job as parents- take pictures of our kids facing the sun so that they are going blind, or covering their eyes in every one of them!

This was taken at Shouka Stadium, the Killer Whale show, where the trainer spent an extensive amount of time talking about “caring for Shouka”, and telling the audience that she’s so happy to see them that she is “dancing”, a.k.a. copying the trainer’s body movements in order to be rewarded with a slimy piece of Mackerel. Poor Shouka. Then at the dolphin show, the trainer went on and on about how dolphins are “always smiling”. No, they are NOT! Their mouth is shaped that way! They are like the Joker in Batman- they just look like they’re smiling, but really they’re pondering how they’re going to drown their trainer if she makes them spin the hoola hoop around their nose, or force them to ride her around like they’re a pair of waterskiis. Oh, how I missed when ignorance was bliss, and I watched the whale and dolphin shows in perfect belief that they were “saved and happy”.

Yes, these are my kids riding an elephant! No, we do not know the Dude or his kid riding with them. I thought it would be a rad photo-op to have my kids on an elephant, then the gal in charge of placing people onto “Tava”, stuck my kids with this other guy and his kid- oh, well. At least he was this big guy that could heroically rescue my children, should the elephant decide that he had had enough of riding bratty kids around and round on a dirt path in 90 degree weather, and decided to try to buck them off, or eat his trainer. So, it all worked out.

This was the Husband’s idea: there was this bridge that this water ride goes underneath, and as it does, it douces everyone standing on the bridge with massive amounts of water. So, he told our unsuspecting kids to go stand on the bridge to watch the boat and as it went by, it just blasted them with water! It was hilarious- fun at our kid’s expense- always a pleasure!

Thankfully, my Son has a good sense of humor, and is generally mild-mannered and easy-going (like his Mother). He takes his drenched shirt off, flashes devil horns, and smiles and says “Like a rockstar, Mom”! Uh….yeah! Like a rockstar! Whatever keeps you from crying and throwing a fit that your Dad tricked you into getting completely soaked and walking around the rest of the day in wet shoes! “You are a rockstar, Son”! I say, with lots of positive affirmation!

Alas, our day had come to an end. We had seen enough dolphins “smiling”, whales “dancing” and tigers that “loved the water” to last a while. Not to mention we had run out of cash, not figuring in the four sodas for $5.60 each, and the $46 lunch that consisted of microwaved chicken tenders, and frozen fish-sticks. But as the good ol’ Visa commercial says, a day with my family, in beautiful weather with lots of smiles: PRICELESS!

Sooo, I might have a slight addiction to fire stations. Not just because of the cute firemen, although that is an obvious draw as well! In the past two months, we have gone to three different fire stations, and every time, I have just loved it! Maybe in my past life, I was a firefighter? Maybe it’s being in a testosterone-filled house of hotness (event the not as hot ones are hot when they have on their blue slacks and fireman shirts…and the moustaches on the “oldtimers”- those moustaches)! I feel myself going weak in the knees just talking about it! Or maybe it’s just the enormous smiles on my kid’s faces when they know we’re going once again to visit the firemen…. yeah, that must be it.

Last week, we had the priveledge of having an extended tour of a firestation. A customer of mine heard about my (Son’s) obsession with firemen and firestations, and offered for us to come visit at his. So, we took him up on it, and it was one of the funnest day trips I’ve had with my kids!

Clayton checking out the exercise equipment

"Driving" the fire engine!

Just in case you’re wondering why my kid is wearing pajamas- it was pajama day at school that day, and I was in such a rush and so excited to go to the fire station, that I forgot to bring her a change of clothes. Bad Mommy.

The kids got a ride on the golf cart- I did too! I jumped off just to take the picture!

Avery was running all around, and tripped and fell head-first into a mud puddle. She gets her gracefulness from me...

Me with my little fireman, and one mud-soaked Avery

My favorite Fireman- Fireman Dave

So, I don’t have another visit lined up to a fire station anytime soon, but in case you are thinking of coordinating one, let me know! I’d be more than happy to help chaperone…

ME! This will surely make me Mother of the Year: 

So, I picked up my Daughter at Kindergarten yesterday, and she is so excited to see me, and gives me a big hug, and hands me this envelope. “I made mail for you, Mama! Open it!” She exclaims. I laugh as I look at the envelope, it is addressed to “Kristin” instead of “Mom”….pretty cute.

The outside of the card said “So Grateful”……awwwwww- so nice to be appreciated as a Mom! Here’s what the inside said:

WHAT????? “I don’t hit you!” I say to my Daughter, as my eyes dart quickly around the school play yard to see if any of the other Moms caught a glimpse of my “mail” . “You did too! You spanked me.” She is telling the truth. I know that everyone has very specific and strong opinions on corporal punishment, so save me the lecture, and the phone call to CPS. In our home,  spanking is the Granddaddy of all punishment, and is reserved for only the very worst of offenses. That particular morning, she had just been spanked for spitting at me and calling her Brother a jackass. But there is a big difference between spanking and hitting…. spanking is teaching a lesson and not done in anger, hitting is in anger, and something a parent only thinks of doing when their five-year-old spits at them when you tell them that it’s time to leave the McDonald’s Playplace. I digress…

“I do NOT hit you.” I explain to my five-year-old, whispering so that the other Moms and teachers can’t hear me. “If you are really misbehaving, you get a spanking, with an open hand, and not very hard…” I realize that I am trying to defend my actions to my five-year-old, then a horrible thought occurs to me: “ Oh, my God”, I think to myself, “who helped her write her “mail”, and saw this? They’re gonna think I’m beating my daughter- which I am TOTALLY not! How could anyone think I would hurt my kids? They’re gonna take my kids away ’cause I spanked them for saying jackass!!!!” My mind is reeling with all of the horrible possibilities….. I take a deep breath and quietly, and calmly ask, “Sooooo…..Did your teacher help you with this?” “No, I did it by myself!” She answers proudly, with a grin. A small amount of relief washes over me. “Wow- you spell really good!” I say, trying to find something encouraging to say to my kid. And ever since, I have been wondering what kind of character damage and psychological derrangment I have done to my kid by spanking. Images of Ralphie from “A Christmas Story” flicker in my mind- the part where he’s in a dream-sequence and he’s dramatically telling his mother he’s blind from the soap that she put in his mouth for saying the “F” word. I feel like the shittiest Mom ever…..

Interestingly, my Daughter made Daddy some “mail” too. His was addressed to “Daddy”, and said, “I love to play with you!” Seriously? Why do Daddies always get to be the nice ones?