Even though I heard my Sister’s words on the phone, it didn’t hit me until this morning, when the constant whirling and running around of my daily life subsided, and I read her name on the “Caring Bridge” website. It was like my stomach was squeezed into a vice, and suddenly, I couldn’t read through the tears in my eyes, or speak over the tender knot that had formed in my throat.

One of the most vibrant, energetic and spirited women in my life has been diagnosed with cancer- Leukemia to be specific. This is a woman who has devoted her life to helping others, started a business based upon bringing a smile or laughter to an elderly person’s life. This woman has always been there for all of the women in my family, from long walks with my Mother, being a confidante for my Sister, and sharing her assuring words and inspiring stories with me. This woman doesn’t merely ask “How are you?”, she genuinely wants to know how you are. I admire that in a person. I have always admired her.

In every endeavor that I have pursued, whether it was starting my own business, or becoming a wife and a mother, she was there to cheer me on, and to tell me that I can do it, and that she could see me being very successful. I fondly remember a long talk we had one day after I had my daughter, and I was new to being a stay-at-home mom. Though I loved my baby, I was having a difficult time with the monotony and sameness of the every day life. I recall her telling me that I am absolutely normal, and that the time that you are home with little children goes by in such a blink, so to enjoy the mundane, and the special times equally. I have tucked that little piece of advice in my heart, and I think about it every day. It doesn’t seem like that long ago, I was a twelve-year-old babysitting her children, and now they are grown adults!

I have always admired the closeness that she has with her children. I will  strive as a mother, to have the type of friendship and trust that she has with both of them. She is a parent, with rules and discipline, but she is also a friend and a soft place to land for her children. That is a delicate balance, being a parent and a friend to your kids, but I’m hoping that I can acquire her ability to do so.

I am incredibly inspired by her entrepreneurial spirit. When I was a teenager, she began a business that is based upon going into care homes for the elderly, and playing games with them, singing with them, listening to their stories, and bringing so much light and brightness into an otherwise overcast life. From her example, I know without a shadow of a doubt that I want to own my business, I want to love what I do, and I want to touch people’s lives- just like her.

Today, as I say healing prayers for her, and know in my heart that she has the strength, courage, power, and resiliency to get up and over this mountain, I am inspired to ask my friends and family, “How are you?”, and truthfully open up and listen to how they truly are. Today, I will stop and cherish a moment with my little kids, whether it’s watching my son navigate through a video game, or helping my daughter with her homework, I will appreciate it for the moment that it is, knowing that it is a fleeting one. Today, I will be thankful for having been inspired by such an incredible and empowering woman. Today, I know that this battle that she is waging will be fought with so many caring family members and friends that have been touched by her being in their lives.  For a woman with exceptional grace, unyielding care and concern for others, and powerful ability to help others to feel happiness, and realize their own dreams and abilities, I send healing wishes, loving thoughts, and endless gratitude. For Brenda.

There has been a stand-off going on in my home for 42 minutes. There have been tears, pleading, begging, rationalizing, bargaining, and bribing, but it seems as though we will not be able to reach a negotiable agreement. Is it a power play? A “pissing contest”? Downright stubborness? Well knowing that we are cut from the same cloth, my guess is, all of the above. But for now, it’s been 43 minutes that my 4-year-old has been sitting on the toilet, his pajamas in a crumpled heap at his ankles, and he is staunchly refusing to wipe his own ass. 

To some, this may sound like I am gingerly tip-toeing the line between discipline and child abuse. But in the words of either my mother, or maybe it was Dr. Phil, “You have to be more stubborn than your kids.” Well, in that case, my Son has met his match! About two weeks ago, we made a deal that if he would wipe his own butt for a week, he would be able to get a new monster truck. He pulled his end of the bargain, I had my first week in six and a half years that the only butt I had to wipe was my own, and life was grand! Then as soon as he got his new truck, he wanted me to start wiping for him again. What? I thought that we had made proggress? I threatened to take the new truck away, I got him special “kid wipes” so that he would have “special” wipes, and yet here he sits for nearly an hour whining from the bathroom about how “I want YOU to wipe my booty, Mom!”

I know he’s my “baby” and that it seems just cruel to make him sit in there, on a cold toilet, and cry that he doesn’t want to do it, but who’s to say that if I give in now, that in ten more years I’ll still be cleaning my sons’ ass? I just picture him playing football, both teams are lined up on the field, and the coach yells out, “Where the hell is Fleming? This play will defeat our rival, and we will win the game! But we can’t do it without our star quarterback!” And from accross the field, echoing from a bathroom stall, will be my half-naked Son, sitting on the pot, holding a wad of toilet paper, and wailing, “Mom- I want you to do it!”

My kids love aquariums, the ocean, anything and everything to do with whales, dolphins, fish, etc.  So, one lazy morning, I rented “Free Willy” for the three of us to watch. I have never seen “Free Willy”- even though it came out when I was a kid. I bawled my eyes out- and I don’t usually cry in movies! So, since my kids were in love with “Willy”, I thought we should all go to Marine World one Sunday. I know, I know, it’s quite an oxymoron to watch a movie about a whale in captivity, ripped away from his family and friends, and then forced to live in a cement fishtank and do tricks for humans, and then take my kids to Marine World. But, what am I supposed to do- take my kids on a $5,000 Alaskan cruise so that they can maybe get a glimpse of a  Sperm Whale (love whoever thought of that name- cracks me up everytime I say it!) outside of captivity? I digress.

So, here we are at the beginning of the day, taking the picture facing the sun, so both kids are squinting, and I am forcing my eyelids open, so that I look younger and doe-eyed, because that’s our job as parents- take pictures of our kids facing the sun so that they are going blind, or covering their eyes in every one of them!

This was taken at Shouka Stadium, the Killer Whale show, where the trainer spent an extensive amount of time talking about “caring for Shouka”, and telling the audience that she’s so happy to see them that she is “dancing”, a.k.a. copying the trainer’s body movements in order to be rewarded with a slimy piece of Mackerel. Poor Shouka. Then at the dolphin show, the trainer went on and on about how dolphins are “always smiling”. No, they are NOT! Their mouth is shaped that way! They are like the Joker in Batman- they just look like they’re smiling, but really they’re pondering how they’re going to drown their trainer if she makes them spin the hoola hoop around their nose, or force them to ride her around like they’re a pair of waterskiis. Oh, how I missed when ignorance was bliss, and I watched the whale and dolphin shows in perfect belief that they were “saved and happy”.

Yes, these are my kids riding an elephant! No, we do not know the Dude or his kid riding with them. I thought it would be a rad photo-op to have my kids on an elephant, then the gal in charge of placing people onto “Tava”, stuck my kids with this other guy and his kid- oh, well. At least he was this big guy that could heroically rescue my children, should the elephant decide that he had had enough of riding bratty kids around and round on a dirt path in 90 degree weather, and decided to try to buck them off, or eat his trainer. So, it all worked out.

This was the Husband’s idea: there was this bridge that this water ride goes underneath, and as it does, it douces everyone standing on the bridge with massive amounts of water. So, he told our unsuspecting kids to go stand on the bridge to watch the boat and as it went by, it just blasted them with water! It was hilarious- fun at our kid’s expense- always a pleasure!

Thankfully, my Son has a good sense of humor, and is generally mild-mannered and easy-going (like his Mother). He takes his drenched shirt off, flashes devil horns, and smiles and says “Like a rockstar, Mom”! Uh….yeah! Like a rockstar! Whatever keeps you from crying and throwing a fit that your Dad tricked you into getting completely soaked and walking around the rest of the day in wet shoes! “You are a rockstar, Son”! I say, with lots of positive affirmation!

Alas, our day had come to an end. We had seen enough dolphins “smiling”, whales “dancing” and tigers that “loved the water” to last a while. Not to mention we had run out of cash, not figuring in the four sodas for $5.60 each, and the $46 lunch that consisted of microwaved chicken tenders, and frozen fish-sticks. But as the good ol’ Visa commercial says, a day with my family, in beautiful weather with lots of smiles: PRICELESS!