Archive for joys of parenthood

Something About Those Moustaches…..

Sooo, I might have a slight addiction to fire stations. Not just because of the cute firemen, although that is an obvious draw as well! In the past two months, we have gone to three different fire stations, and every time, I have just loved it! Maybe in my past life, I was a firefighter? Maybe it’s being in a testosterone-filled house of hotness (event the not as hot ones are hot when they have on their blue slacks and fireman shirts…and the moustaches on the “oldtimers”- those moustaches)! I feel myself going weak in the knees just talking about it! Or maybe it’s just the enormous smiles on my kid’s faces when they know we’re going once again to visit the firemen…. yeah, that must be it.

Last week, we had the priveledge of having an extended tour of a firestation. A customer of mine heard about my (Son’s) obsession with firemen and firestations, and offered for us to come visit at his. So, we took him up on it, and it was one of the funnest day trips I’ve had with my kids!

Clayton checking out the exercise equipment

"Driving" the fire engine!

Just in case you’re wondering why my kid is wearing pajamas- it was pajama day at school that day, and I was in such a rush and so excited to go to the fire station, that I forgot to bring her a change of clothes. Bad Mommy.

The kids got a ride on the golf cart- I did too! I jumped off just to take the picture!

Avery was running all around, and tripped and fell head-first into a mud puddle. She gets her gracefulness from me...

Me with my little fireman, and one mud-soaked Avery

My favorite Fireman- Fireman Dave

So, I don’t have another visit lined up to a fire station anytime soon, but in case you are thinking of coordinating one, let me know! I’d be more than happy to help chaperone…

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And the Award Goes to…..

ME! This will surely make me Mother of the Year: 

So, I picked up my Daughter at Kindergarten yesterday, and she is so excited to see me, and gives me a big hug, and hands me this envelope. “I made mail for you, Mama! Open it!” She exclaims. I laugh as I look at the envelope, it is addressed to “Kristin” instead of “Mom”….pretty cute.

The outside of the card said “So Grateful”……awwwwww- so nice to be appreciated as a Mom! Here’s what the inside said:

WHAT????? “I don’t hit you!” I say to my Daughter, as my eyes dart quickly around the school play yard to see if any of the other Moms caught a glimpse of my “mail” . “You did too! You spanked me.” She is telling the truth. I know that everyone has very specific and strong opinions on corporal punishment, so save me the lecture, and the phone call to CPS. In our home,  spanking is the Granddaddy of all punishment, and is reserved for only the very worst of offenses. That particular morning, she had just been spanked for spitting at me and calling her Brother a jackass. But there is a big difference between spanking and hitting…. spanking is teaching a lesson and not done in anger, hitting is in anger, and something a parent only thinks of doing when their five-year-old spits at them when you tell them that it’s time to leave the McDonald’s Playplace. I digress…

“I do NOT hit you.” I explain to my five-year-old, whispering so that the other Moms and teachers can’t hear me. “If you are really misbehaving, you get a spanking, with an open hand, and not very hard…” I realize that I am trying to defend my actions to my five-year-old, then a horrible thought occurs to me: “ Oh, my God”, I think to myself, “who helped her write her “mail”, and saw this? They’re gonna think I’m beating my daughter- which I am TOTALLY not! How could anyone think I would hurt my kids? They’re gonna take my kids away ’cause I spanked them for saying jackass!!!!” My mind is reeling with all of the horrible possibilities….. I take a deep breath and quietly, and calmly ask, “Sooooo…..Did your teacher help you with this?” “No, I did it by myself!” She answers proudly, with a grin. A small amount of relief washes over me. “Wow- you spell really good!” I say, trying to find something encouraging to say to my kid. And ever since, I have been wondering what kind of character damage and psychological derrangment I have done to my kid by spanking. Images of Ralphie from “A Christmas Story” flicker in my mind- the part where he’s in a dream-sequence and he’s dramatically telling his mother he’s blind from the soap that she put in his mouth for saying the “F” word. I feel like the shittiest Mom ever…..

Interestingly, my Daughter made Daddy some “mail” too. His was addressed to “Daddy”, and said, “I love to play with you!” Seriously? Why do Daddies always get to be the nice ones?

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An Unconventional Mom….

In celebration of Kicked Out of Mom’s Club first birthday in two weeks, I thought I should commemorate it by re-posting some of my reader’s favorites. This is my very first one, which explains how I came up with the name for my website. For the past seven years that I have been part of the circle of motherhood, I have tried valiantly to “fit in” with several different Mom’s groups, and always end up trying to change myself to fit into the mold that I think other Moms and society want me to fit in. Then, it occured to me, “Why try to fit myself into a mold? Time to make a new mold!” And so, Kicked Out of Moms Club was born! I have nothing against fellow Mamas that would rather go with the flow, never make a wave, and follow the herd round and round in our little suburban pasture with white picket fences. But, that’s not me! And you don’t have to like me or what I write. Those who know me in person know that I am deeply thoughtful, gracious, loving, and strive to inspire and empower women, especially through laughter. This website is about life as I see it, through my lenses, which are not always rose colored! If you do not like what I write, I would love to hear your comments, and would urge you to start your own website that you are free to devote to hating “Kicked out of Moms Club”, or the daily tales and musings of a bored, frazzled and pigeon-holed housewife.

For those of you who have faithfully read, and appreciated my writing, my humor, my making fun of myself on a regular basis, I thank you, and appreciate you. This has been a wonderful adventure, and I look forward to many, many more! I am lifting my glass of Chardonnay (it’s five-o’clock somewhere!), in a toast to all of the beautiful, fabulous Mamas, who live life outside the box, and love to see the lighter side of our crazy, busy life! Cheers to you and to the continued success of Kicked Out of Mom’s Club!

Carpe Diem!

Kristin Noel

bonjovi5

No, I’ve never really been kicked out of Mom’s Club….

But, I probably would be if they knew how I truly felt about highchair covers, shopping cart chair covers, and sweatpants that sell for 4-year-olds for $89 that say “Juicy” accross the butt! They’d also kick me out if they knew that I didn’t feed my baby organic babyfood, that I don’t always wash the vegetables before I cook them…actually let’s be real- I almost never cook vegetables- I know I should, but a bagged salad with everything already in it, tossed twice a week and set on the table is about as close as I really get!

They’d toss me out on my ass if they knew that I thought that motherhood is not all puppies, sunshine and sugar and spice, but that it’s hard as hell, and half the time you think you suck as a parent and that your kids hate you (especially if they’re five or older, because they’ll say that straight to your face), and the other half of the time you’re planning how to get a babysitter to get a break from them! Which leads to the next reason I’m a moms club outcast- I love my husband! I love date nights, I love sex, I love being sexy, I love looking sexy, I love to dress up, I love to put on make-up, do my hair, I love being a woman and a mom at the same time. I don’t ever want to fall into the trap so many of my mom-friends have where the adage “the kids come first” is played over and over in their heads, until they morph into a depressed, Prozac/Wellbutrin cocktail popping 30-somethings who think that because she put her hair in a ponytail and at least put on a shirt over her pajama pants that she’s “dressed up” for a night out with the husband (the first in over 10 months)! Alas, I am an unconventional Mom.

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