Sooo, I might have a slight addiction to fire stations. Not just because of the cute firemen, although that is an obvious draw as well! In the past two months, we have gone to three different fire stations, and every time, I have just loved it! Maybe in my past life, I was a firefighter? Maybe it’s being in a testosterone-filled house of hotness (event the not as hot ones are hot when they have on their blue slacks and fireman shirts…and the moustaches on the “oldtimers”- those moustaches)! I feel myself going weak in the knees just talking about it! Or maybe it’s just the enormous smiles on my kid’s faces when they know we’re going once again to visit the firemen…. yeah, that must be it.

Last week, we had the priveledge of having an extended tour of a firestation. A customer of mine heard about my (Son’s) obsession with firemen and firestations, and offered for us to come visit at his. So, we took him up on it, and it was one of the funnest day trips I’ve had with my kids!

Clayton checking out the exercise equipment

"Driving" the fire engine!

Just in case you’re wondering why my kid is wearing pajamas- it was pajama day at school that day, and I was in such a rush and so excited to go to the fire station, that I forgot to bring her a change of clothes. Bad Mommy.

The kids got a ride on the golf cart- I did too! I jumped off just to take the picture!

Avery was running all around, and tripped and fell head-first into a mud puddle. She gets her gracefulness from me...

Me with my little fireman, and one mud-soaked Avery

My favorite Fireman- Fireman Dave

So, I don’t have another visit lined up to a fire station anytime soon, but in case you are thinking of coordinating one, let me know! I’d be more than happy to help chaperone…

When one asks what you’re thankful for during this Thanksgiving season, it is very common to blurt out the obvious: family, friends, good health, etc. So, I took it upon myself to think about the everyday things that I use, I rely on, I count on to make me the woman, mother, and otherwise goddess that I am. Here is my first annual “Of course I’m thankful for my friends and family, but I couldn’t live my life without my___________” list:

Sunless tanner: Oh, my bronze friend- thank you for making my ass look less flabby and for disguising my cellulite. Thank you for faking that I have toned abs and golden gams!

 Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy Push-up Bra: Thank you for helping me to pretend that I have the perfectly perky and forward pointing boobs that I had before I had kids. Thank you for coming with 1/2″ thick pads for me to place my doughy breasts on to make it look like either I’m 23 and a DD, or that I’ve spent $6,000 on a new set.

Kegels: Thank you, Dr. Sara, my OB/Gyn for both pregnancies, for instilling in me the importance of doing kegels. Thank you to myself for doing them, and for allowing me to sneeze and laugh without peeing on myself. Thank you God for designing women’s bodies so that you can do Kegels without anyone knowing- I think it’s always an adventure to see how many I can do, say, in line at the grocery store, or at a stoplight. Someday, I intend to learn how to do them without holding my breath, so that I can be doing them while talking to someone- could be you!

Wine: Thank you for giving me solstice at the end of a crazy day with my kids. Thank you for being so soothing, calming, nurturing. Thank you for having lots of fans, so that I’m always busy at work! Thank you for making me laugh, and for allowing me to think that I really do sound like Robert Plant when I sing Led Zeppelin when I’m drunk at karaoke.

Adhesive Breast Petals: Thank you for allowing me to go braless in revealing dresses that are made for 20-something girls who’s nipples still point forward. Thank you for masking unsightly “headlights”, and letting me go one more year wearing skimpy shit that a woman my age probably shouldn’t be wearing in the first place.

Jeans with lycra: Thank you for being so stretchy, and for allowing me to pretend that I still wear a size 4. Thank you for being made with a button with a metal rivet, so that I can keep pretending I’m a size that I’m actually two sizes larger than, and use a rubberband around the rivet and through the buttonhole to give me an extra inch around the middle. Thank you zipper for putting up with my constant pulling up with a set of pliars.

My Hairstylist: Thank you for letting me fake being blonde for so many years. Thank you for cutting my hair so that it looks thicker than it is, and coloring it so that it looks “natural”.

Candles: Thank you for making my house smell so good, and making it look so festive and elegant. Thank you also for your “airbrushing” properties- everyone looks hotter, younger, thinner in candlelight (and after a couple of glasses of wine)!

Spanx: Thank you for sculpting my thighs and ass and making it look like I just spent two hours at the gym. Thank you for having cut-off legs so that I can wear you under a short dress, and no one knows I’m wearing sausage casing that keeps all my lumps and bumps smooth under a slutty little black dress. I’ll thank you more next year if you come out with a version that allows me to breathe while wearing, or even better, come out with a crotchless version (it’s like a wrestling match with myself trying to get the damn things off and on in a bathroom stall…again thankful to Kegels)!

God: For allowing me to be a mom/woman/warrior who’s boobs may sag a little and butt may jiggle a little, but for giving me a body that can give birth to a human being and still be able to sneeze without peeing down my legs. And thank God for creating other women who come up with brilliant inventions like Spanx, or nipple covers. And mostly, thank God for the gift of laughter and humor!

Have a most fabulous Thanksgiving!

“If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers. ” ~Edgar W. Howe

I just cracked up when I read that quote! As a stay-at-home, work-at-home, working Mom, I can absolutely relate to that! Sure, there is a small part of me that is very sad to see my daughter go to school and be influenced by others, and become more independent, but in the words of Mitch Hedberg, “If the (I’m sad my kid’s going to Kindergarten feeling) was represented in a pie chart graph, it would be as small as the slice of pie that shows ‘If I won the lottery, I’d give it all to charity’!” Yes, she’s getting grown up, yes she is not going to have me as the center of her world, but let’s be real here- when she screams at me “I hate you, stupid dork jackass!” from accross the backyard at me when I’m on the phone with my Mom, because I took away the Sharpie that she was using to grafitti the side of our (rented) home- I’m not feeling held real high in my daughter’s rank of things that are important to her!