There comes a time in a mother’s life, usually when her youngest is off to kindergarten, that she looks around her empty, quiet house, sits down to go to the bathroom for the first time in eight years without interruption of little knocking hands, and she thinks, “wow- I could get used to this!” But, it’s only for a short time that she enjoys her newfound freedom, and then starts to wonder, “now what?”

For all of us mamas who gave up illustrious careers to become stay-at-home mothers, it may be a fantasy to go back to the bustling business woman that you were before. In my case, I was a manager of a $9 million menswear division for Nordstrom in Los Angeles. I wore a designer suit and high heels, and matching bra and panties every single day. I had coffee breaks in the mornings, and lunch meetings in the afternoons. I was sent to meetings in Las Vegas, Palm Springs, and all over Southern California. I had an office, I had “people” that I was in charge of, I had reports and numbers, bar graphs and pie charts, and most importantly, a very thick employee discount at Nordstrom!

But, that was ten years ago. Matching bras and panties haven’t been a part of my wardrobe in so long. The only thing I could do matchy-matchy with is a black bra and my black Spanx with the hole in the waistband. Nothing like the gorgeous, intricate Felina underpinnings of my past. And the term wardrobe is used quite loosely- more like pile of yoga pants (all black), bra-top camis, and velour track suits that are easy to snatch off of the top of my dresser (or the floor), in my disheveled rush out the door to get my kids to school on time. I can’t remember the last time that I had a “coffee break” without one or both of my children running all over Starbucks, asking for another chocolate milk, or more “shell cookies.” I haven’t been in charge of $9 million worth of inventory for a long time, that’s for damn sure! But I have been in charge of selling a house we couldn’t afford, doing our taxes and managing a mountain of debt. I haven’t had “people” in so long that I surely wouldn’t remember how to manage them! Unless you count the little people that I currently manage, but I somehow don’t think that “If you call your brother a jackass one more time, you will not play wii for three days!” is very effective in the workplace.

Alas, I have come to realize that the power business woman that I once was, is very likely just another chapter in my book, but the question of “what now?” remains a very real one. I don’t regret my decision to give up my fashion career for motherhood. Sure, I may not run huge seminars, take clients to decadent restaurants in Santa Monica, or attend meetings in buildings who’s address contain the words, “Wilshire Blvd.” But, I have run a couple of Daisy-girl troop meetings, I was in charge of our class auction basket last year, and I know where  every McDonald’s with an indoor playground is, within four cities. For now, I’m just trying to think of how to make that look enticing on my resume…

Sooo, I might have a slight addiction to fire stations. Not just because of the cute firemen, although that is an obvious draw as well! In the past two months, we have gone to three different fire stations, and every time, I have just loved it! Maybe in my past life, I was a firefighter? Maybe it’s being in a testosterone-filled house of hotness (event the not as hot ones are hot when they have on their blue slacks and fireman shirts…and the moustaches on the “oldtimers”- those moustaches)! I feel myself going weak in the knees just talking about it! Or maybe it’s just the enormous smiles on my kid’s faces when they know we’re going once again to visit the firemen…. yeah, that must be it.

Last week, we had the priveledge of having an extended tour of a firestation. A customer of mine heard about my (Son’s) obsession with firemen and firestations, and offered for us to come visit at his. So, we took him up on it, and it was one of the funnest day trips I’ve had with my kids!

Clayton checking out the exercise equipment

"Driving" the fire engine!

Just in case you’re wondering why my kid is wearing pajamas- it was pajama day at school that day, and I was in such a rush and so excited to go to the fire station, that I forgot to bring her a change of clothes. Bad Mommy.

The kids got a ride on the golf cart- I did too! I jumped off just to take the picture!

Avery was running all around, and tripped and fell head-first into a mud puddle. She gets her gracefulness from me...

Me with my little fireman, and one mud-soaked Avery

My favorite Fireman- Fireman Dave

So, I don’t have another visit lined up to a fire station anytime soon, but in case you are thinking of coordinating one, let me know! I’d be more than happy to help chaperone…

When one asks what you’re thankful for during this Thanksgiving season, it is very common to blurt out the obvious: family, friends, good health, etc. So, I took it upon myself to think about the everyday things that I use, I rely on, I count on to make me the woman, mother, and otherwise goddess that I am. Here is my first annual “Of course I’m thankful for my friends and family, but I couldn’t live my life without my___________” list:

Sunless tanner: Oh, my bronze friend- thank you for making my ass look less flabby and for disguising my cellulite. Thank you for faking that I have toned abs and golden gams!

 Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy Push-up Bra: Thank you for helping me to pretend that I have the perfectly perky and forward pointing boobs that I had before I had kids. Thank you for coming with 1/2″ thick pads for me to place my doughy breasts on to make it look like either I’m 23 and a DD, or that I’ve spent $6,000 on a new set.

Kegels: Thank you, Dr. Sara, my OB/Gyn for both pregnancies, for instilling in me the importance of doing kegels. Thank you to myself for doing them, and for allowing me to sneeze and laugh without peeing on myself. Thank you God for designing women’s bodies so that you can do Kegels without anyone knowing- I think it’s always an adventure to see how many I can do, say, in line at the grocery store, or at a stoplight. Someday, I intend to learn how to do them without holding my breath, so that I can be doing them while talking to someone- could be you!

Wine: Thank you for giving me solstice at the end of a crazy day with my kids. Thank you for being so soothing, calming, nurturing. Thank you for having lots of fans, so that I’m always busy at work! Thank you for making me laugh, and for allowing me to think that I really do sound like Robert Plant when I sing Led Zeppelin when I’m drunk at karaoke.

Adhesive Breast Petals: Thank you for allowing me to go braless in revealing dresses that are made for 20-something girls who’s nipples still point forward. Thank you for masking unsightly “headlights”, and letting me go one more year wearing skimpy shit that a woman my age probably shouldn’t be wearing in the first place.

Jeans with lycra: Thank you for being so stretchy, and for allowing me to pretend that I still wear a size 4. Thank you for being made with a button with a metal rivet, so that I can keep pretending I’m a size that I’m actually two sizes larger than, and use a rubberband around the rivet and through the buttonhole to give me an extra inch around the middle. Thank you zipper for putting up with my constant pulling up with a set of pliars.

My Hairstylist: Thank you for letting me fake being blonde for so many years. Thank you for cutting my hair so that it looks thicker than it is, and coloring it so that it looks “natural”.

Candles: Thank you for making my house smell so good, and making it look so festive and elegant. Thank you also for your “airbrushing” properties- everyone looks hotter, younger, thinner in candlelight (and after a couple of glasses of wine)!

Spanx: Thank you for sculpting my thighs and ass and making it look like I just spent two hours at the gym. Thank you for having cut-off legs so that I can wear you under a short dress, and no one knows I’m wearing sausage casing that keeps all my lumps and bumps smooth under a slutty little black dress. I’ll thank you more next year if you come out with a version that allows me to breathe while wearing, or even better, come out with a crotchless version (it’s like a wrestling match with myself trying to get the damn things off and on in a bathroom stall…again thankful to Kegels)!

God: For allowing me to be a mom/woman/warrior who’s boobs may sag a little and butt may jiggle a little, but for giving me a body that can give birth to a human being and still be able to sneeze without peeing down my legs. And thank God for creating other women who come up with brilliant inventions like Spanx, or nipple covers. And mostly, thank God for the gift of laughter and humor!

Have a most fabulous Thanksgiving!