This stuff is my answer to being so pasty, I could try-out as an extra in the next Twilight movie- Fake Bake – Self Tanning Airbrush Spray - LOVE it! For the first time ever, I bought a self-tanner that does what it says it will do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it’s $30- kinda pricey you say, for a self-tanner (the Husband would think so too, which is why I told him it was only $10, so shhhh). Just consider what you would pay for an airbrush tan at a salon, or even a Mystic tan- and then keep in mind, that you would get at least three applications out of one can, and voila! Rationalization at it’s best right there!

Fake Bake is the first sunless tanner that I have used that gave me golden, even coverage on my first attempt. In addition, it didn’t have that yucky chemical smell that we all know is the chemicals reacting with your skin to produce the color, but it always reminds me of cat pee- gross. So, to find a tanner that has a pleasant smell and maintains a pleasant smell is surely a bonus! Also, the Fake Bake has a nice “instant” tan as you spray it on, which really helps to guide you while applying the product.

First thing you want to do before applying any self tanner, is shower, and exfolliate. Every different brand says that you should use their exfolliant first- in my experience, as long as you are exfoliating with something that is oil-free, and doesn’t leave a residue that will inhibit the sunless tanner, you’re golden, well, at least getting there! With a spray formula, such as Fake Bake, you will want to apply the tanner in your shower- not while the water’s running, or you’ll get streaks. But, definitely within the shower, or else you will end up sunless tanning everything in your bathroom- not a fun mess to clean up, I assure you! Spray in long, even strokes over your body, then rub in any “blotches”. For your back- a little trick I learned is to spray all that you can reach, then for the middle part that most of us can’t reach, bend at the waist like a tabletop, spray the tanner into the air above your back, then hold still, and it should fall pretty evenly onto your back. Or, you can ask someone to spray your back for you, always a novel idea!

Once you’re all laquered up, give yourself 15 minutes before getting dressed, wash your hands and soles of your feet with soap and water, so you don’t get orange Oompa Loompa stains on them. And, lastly, this will sound funny, but blow your nose. All of the little tanning particles from the spray will collect, and if you don’t heed my advice, you will get to wherever you’re going, and have brown nostrils, and people will point and laugh, and you will say, “I should have listened to Kristin’s advice!” Then I will point and laugh and say “I told you so”! Because that’s what friends are for.

So, seriously- this is the easiest haircut I have ever had! I know a lot of Moms like me, who are racing out of the door, 10 minutes late to everything, but still want to look cute, and at least have two days out of the week where your hair isn’t in a ponytail!  This chin-length, slightly a-line bob is the ticket- I swear!

All I do when I get up, after fighting with my daughter, who’s five, about what she is going to wear, or more realistically, what she is not going to wear (i.e.- red lipstick, her bathingsuit top with jeans, plastic princess high heels to the park,etc.), and arguing with my son, who’s three about what he wants to eat for breakfast, is run a brush through it, flat-iron the pieces around my face, and put two large velcro rollers in the back, shoot them with hot air, then cold air from the blowdryer, take them out- and I am literally done in less than 10 minutes!

The other fun thing about this haircut, is it’s very versatile- I’ve worn it curly, straight, flicked up in the back, sleek-straight, and in a ponytail teased just slightly at the crown, with wispy strands pulled around my face to hide my crow’s feet. If you’re looking for a ridiculously easy cut that is still current and fun, I recommend this one!

Ever since I saw the commercial, with the couple in bed, and the gal with the ginormous smile on her face, and listened to the narration about how this little vial of gel had changed this couples’ sex life- I knew that I was going to have to try it!

So, yesterday, I went to Target, and bought some groceries, eye cream, candles- the usual crap that skyrockets my receipt from the $32 it would have been if I “stuck to the list” to the $141 it is when I leave! And while buying tampons, I realize that the new K-y Brand Intense Arousal Gel For Her  is out on shelves. Being a huge fan of anything that gets me in the mood when I’m trying to switch gears from “Mooooooo-mmmmmmyyyyy” to sexy siren sex goddess, I stuck it in my cart! I’m a cult follower of the previously reviewed Kama Sutra Dream Lotus Stimulating Gel, but that takes a week to order online, and I want instant gratification- so today, we’re trying out the competition.

Get home, make dinner, get the kids to bed, pour a glass of wine, watch a one-hour episode of American Idol in 17 minutes, and switch the station to some sassy music that if it were on the radio, would certainly be hosted by a dude with a real low barritone voice, and he’d be saying, “For all you lovers out there…enjoy this one from Marvin Gaye and keep on gettin’ it on, mmmmmmmm….”

So, I leave the Husband to go “slip into something a little more comfortable”, which translates into contort myself into a contraption with garters and snaps and clips that don’t clip because my daughter found it, and tied one end to her brother’s big wheels, and the other to her bike, and they rode around the backyard tied together with my black and red garter belt, and I let them because I was trying to work and they were leaving me alone. I did wash it…I think. As a final touch, dab a little of the liquid gold that better make my head spin like Regan from the Exorcist for $29 bucks!

So far, not feeling much….I should be focusing on making advances to the Husband, who is trying like hell to stay awake, because by this time it’s 9:42, and he turns into a pumpkin at 10:00, but I am just zoned into whether or not I’ve made the wrong decision in buying this liquid that promises “a unique rush of pleasure, hightening arousal, desire and satisfaction” instead of the cloud soft cotton pajamas that I wanted to buy for myself that would have been a hell of a lot more comfortable than this get-up I’m wearing with broken clips that are poking me.  So far, I am not experiencing the “exquisite, intensified climax” that I’ve been promised.

In the end, it was a little tingly and warm, but nothing to write home about(Not that I recommend writing home about buying $29 KY to have better orgasms). But, if you’re in a rut, and trying something new and a tad tingly will help give you a nudge, then go for it! As for me, I’m going back to my ol’ standby!